“Hope deferred makes the heart sick: but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life.”
~ Proverbs 13:12

Have you ever felt ‘sick at heart’? Everyone faces the times of testing; the painful trials of life will come. Do not view troubles as insurmountable. Do not see hardship as the end. Do not view your pain a permanent situation. Certainly, do not view your situation as a personal attack. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man. 1 Cor. 10:13 The Valley of the Shadow of Death does not care who passes through it, but know this: it is for passing through, not for remaining in.

It is a blessing to know when hard times try our hearts we can stand with God in faith and with patience and He will bring the answer just as He promised if we faint not. If it takes a day or a lifetime, when the desire is fulfilled your heart will be healed and overflowing with gladness. The pain will be gone and your joy will be full as sure as if it had happened in the first hour. Stand. Having done all, stand.

“If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.” ~ Proverbs 24:10
“…be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” ~ Hebrews 6:12

You…..
The ball is in your court.

Sorry this is so short, sloppy and abrupt. It’s late and I’m tired. Be strong. Be blessed. Good night.

We do, you know.   We explain why He isn’t doing, or isn’t going to do what He said He would do.  It is because our hearts are unconvinced.  We don’t believe Him.  We don’t trust Him.  We are not fully persuaded.  We may not say it like that, but that’s what it is.

We might be covering for people in order to ease their passage through a rough spell, or to help them feel alright about failing.  We might be covering so that God won’t ‘look bad’.

“Oh, I prayed for such and such, and God didn’t answer!”
“Dear brother, God doesn’t always do that for everyone.  He is sovereign and you never know what God might do.  His ways are higher than our ways,” and of course the ever popular “If it be Thy will.”  That should get God off the hook. That should do it.

Worst of all, we might be covering for ourselves.  We make excuses to prepare ourselves for failure.  In Romans 13:14 the Bible says, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”  One of the “lusts thereof” is to avoid embarrassment.  We make provision someplace in the backs of our minds because we fear the failure of God’s Word and how we will look to others when it doesn’t come to pass.  We consider our responsibility in how we might make God look in our own failure.  We don’t want to have to explain why it ‘didn’t work’.

God might do it, God can do it, but will He do it?  Does He want to do it?  What if He doesn’t?  We are afraid that it might not work for us.  After all we’re just sinners, lowly and flawed, so we halt, and stammer, and back pedal, and become impotent as Christians.  That is a sorry walk for someone who claims to be a believer.  It is faithless, and therefore not pleasing to God.  It grieves the Holy Spirit.  We have essentially buried our talent in the earth, to quote another Scripture, and are wicked and slothful, and the Master isn’t happy about it.

To compound the problem, we have been taught in full Gospel circles to speak by faith, so we go around making ridiculous, uneducated, unsubstantiated claims in the name of Jesus, and when they don’t come to pass it does little more for us than solidify our belief that God can not be trusted.  We are weak and failing, sabotaging our own walk and will try defend our indefensible position with righteous sounding words, things we’ve heard about God, and what feels right.   These are the traditions of men. “Know ye not that the traditions of men make the Word of God of no effect?”

Can we not just admit we don’t know everything?  Can we not just admit we might be wrong?  Can’t we just say “I don’t understand”?  That’s a great place to start because that really is the issue here.  From there we can move forward.  If we would spend as much time trying get to know God better and learning the truth and what His Word says as we do trying to explain things we don’t understand and avoiding awkwardness and covering for our own fears, we might find that we are beginning to understand those things a little better.

God’s word is always true.  Always.  If there is any level of discomfort on our part as to the effectiveness or reliability of the faithfulness of His Word, that should be our front line indicator that we don’t know enough, and we need to learn more.  He only needs for us to be willing to carry His word.  We can only carry it in so far as we believe it to be true; if we trust His promises.  Our only job is to believe.  We must have faith in Him and be fully persuaded.  The Word will do the work.

Know the Truth.  You… know it!  The Truth will set you free.

Have you ever had one of those ‘blah’ days?   The ones with the uncomfortable, unpleasant, unidentifiable sort of a nagging?  Or maybe it’s a longing.  I’m not sure.

Life is basically good.  :)  I’m low maintenance.  I don’t require anything.  I’m typically an optimist and I see hope and promise; I find the silver lining.  Oh, I can think of a few things that are needing to be done, and I can think of a few things that are truly bothering me and causing me some trouble, but they aren’t earth shattering, and I know I’ll get beyond, blah, blah, blah.  I can not link this uneasy feeling to any one thing.  None of the specifics seem to be the real source of the turbulence.

I am learning and growing.  I am planning and dreaming.  What am I missing here?  Anything?

I have never been a great sit-and-waiter.  I am a doer.  When things need to be done I would just as soon get them done.  This time, however, I can’t seem to gain any control over any of it.  I’m not even exactly sure what ‘it’ is!  Everything is in someone else’s hands, and I can’t muscle my way in or through anything, so I’m sidelined.  I’m ready, but held back.

Whoa, girl.   Whoa……

I must be the worst blogger when it comes to writing regularly.  I mean to, but, you know…. time gets away.

I don’t have a whole lot to write about.  The situation is unchanged.  Our plans remain the same.  Only the particulars are rearranged and shuffled about with the day to day activities.  I decided to go ahead and write a bit about the way life is in out interim situation.  My husband sort of took the steam out of my engine (unintentionally) when he said that writing about the everyday, mundane business of life would become tedious and uninteresting to read, but I think there are people out there in a similar situation, or facing a similar situation, and it might be helpful to read a bit about how things are progressing for us. So here goes!

Life goes on.  I truly believe it is all about the attitude, the mindset you have going in.  I could be easy to mourn and bewail our loss, I suppose.  We spent many, many happy years in our home, and now it is gone.  I’m not trying to toot my own horn and tell you how great I am because I don’t have that attitude.  I just want to share my experience for benefit of someone else who is struggling with it.

“God knows.  All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.  Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you.”  I know all of that sounds almost cliche’ because we quote scripture randomly and toss His Word around almost as if it were just a catchy phrase. Many times I don’t think we really, really believe it ourselves, but please; know that He will keep and guide you and your end will be better than your beginning.  He has a plan for you for good and not for evil.  NOTHING catches Him unaware and He knows what to do.

In the Bible there is a story of a man, a ruler of the synagogue, who sought Jesus because his daughter was ill and about to die.  They were on their way to his house, being slowed by a huge, pressing crowd, and were eventually stopped by woman who also needed help from Him.  He took time to not only heal her, but to teach her, those around her, and His disciples.  Once free to continue on their way, a servant from the ruler of the synagogue’s house met them and told them that they were too late.  His daughter had died.

Right here is a crossroad for this man.  He could have chosen to give up and go home, since his daughter was already dead.  I can think of nothing worse.   He must have felt as if his heart were going to break.  Can you imagine the thoughts in his mind at that moment?  He could have been angry at the woman for delaying Jesus.  If He had been free to go more quickly He might have made it there in time to heal her.  He could have been angry at Jesus.  How could he have been so nonchalant concerning his daughter desperate need?  Did He prefer the woman in the crowd over his child?  Maybe he thought it wasn’t Jesus’ will to heal everyone.

But wait.  There is more to the story.  He didn’t quit.  He looked to Jesus and Jesus instructed him:

Luk 8:50  ”But when Jesus heard it (that his daughter had died), he answered him, saying, ‘Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.’”

Your only job is to BELIEVE.  That is the only thing you must do.  It requires effort on your part.  Commitment is necessary.  If you can not commit you will fail.  I’m sorry.  It is that cut and dried.

If you will commit, however, the answer is sure.  The way to believe, to trust in Him, is to cultivate a relationship.  You cannot have faith and trust without it.  With relationship comes rest.  You can rest and know that through uncertain times He has everything covered.  He knows your heart and your needs, and He wants to help you if you willONLY BELIEVE.

That being said, I am happy to let you know that He is leading us through this time our lives.  That is the truth.   If that weren’t enough I can add something more:  it isn’t hard or tragic for us, because we know the outcome is sure!  There is no fear when you enter into His rest.   Please, make it easy on yourself and do whatever it takes to know Him.  It is all He wants, and it is all you need.

I  know this is the beginning of something new and a new chance to serve God in a new way.  How could I grieve a loss when I haven’t arrived at the end of the journey yet? There is always something good! I do not have to understand the method and the path in order to rest and know that He mapped it out in the best possible way.  I am honestly calm, assured, and full of joy.  It is because I know I can trust Him.

I had to say all of that in order to continue.  God brought us through this and I will never doubt that.

People in the thick of things need to hear it in a way that is understandable and applies to everyday life, so let me say it in another way.  I can say absolutely that I am a survivor.  I have a survivor’s attitude anyway, and I would likely have made it through all of this.  The loss would have been hard, the changes unpleasant, the pain, the guilt, the lack, the grief, the stress….  it would have been terrible, the outcome unsure and the road hard, but we would have survived.

Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego would have survived, too, had they bowed, but we would never have known their names, and they would never have seen the Hand of God and met the Fourth Man in the fire.  The ruler of the synagogue would have lost his precious child, but he would still have survived.  How many un-named faces went home from that crowd without what they could have stayed with it and gotten?  Without victory?  Without testimony?  Back to surviving, day to day?

I do not want to merely survive!  I want to know God and see His power and have a testimony!  I want to grow and move on to greater and mightier things!  You see, I could not tell you my mundane little life’s update without telling you all of this.  I would not only be remiss if I didn’t tell it, but I would have been denying God the glory that is His.  He not only got us through it, He is taking us beyond it!  I would not be able to help another soul through anything without knowing Him and the power and love and mercy He has for us.  This is our victorious testimony now!  I would not trade a second of it.

I’ll stop my sermon… for now… back to the update.

So…
We have been in our new place for almost two months.  Our routines are are almost back to being Pence family normal. School is good, maybe still a bit hit and miss.  We are having to change some routines.  One example is doing laundry.  We don’t have a washer and dryer now so we have to make time to go to a laundromat.  We hand wash dishes now, which, in reality, doesn’t take much, if any longer than it did to rinse and load the dishes into the dishwasher.  The kids sleep on fold-outs, so we have a little ritual for that every morning and night.  There are quite a few little adjustments like these.  We are taking them all in stride.

We found out after we moved in that the travel trailer we were sold was damaged.  It was deliberately hidden, and not something we could have seen right off, so, we bought it, unfortunately, ‘as is’.  We spent every last dime we had and found out too late that it is structurally unsound and has some leaks.  It was just about the worst news we could have gotten.  It will be difficult and could be expensive to fix, but fix it we will, somehow, or God will provide something better.  I’ll post the updates on the repairs, or the replacement, or whatever happens.

We are temporarily renting a space at the local KOA campground.  In all of our years in this town our kids have walked over to the little general store here to get a piece of candy or play a game or something, so it seemed a fitting end to our time in this town.  I never expected it to be such a wonderful place!  They have wonderful amenities and it’s a beautiful park.  I feel like I am living in a resort.  I have not one bad thing to say about living here.  The only problem is that it isn’t mine and I miss being able to plan and plant a garden.  I miss putzing around  in my own yard.  That day’s a-coming!  Meanwhile, this place is like living on vacation to me.

We have developed some new, wonderful daily habits living here.  Being in the desert southwest, we are still having absolutely lovely morning and evening weather, so we are spending a considerable amount of time outside at the picnic table or over at one of the tables under the gazebo, just talking and drinking coffee or tea.  My youngest son and I have solved many of the problems of the world over a hot cup of steaming something or other, deep in discussion before the day’s work ever begins.  Then we relax in the remnants of the evening sun as often as we can.  The older kids have been visiting and gone swimming and played mini-golf.  We love it!

The dreaded ‘scaling down’ has been a rich blessing in my life.  I am so thankful for it no matter what we have gone through to get us to this place. The overall workload here is much lighter.  I have actual time in my day that I can use for things to be determined by me.  It isn’t all housework and shopping, budgeting and juggling, blah, blah, blah…   My kid fellowship time is much improved, from my perspective — I think the kids agree.  It’s not all discipline and school and chores.  We talk and play and laugh a lot.  This is just a tiny taste of what I have already discovered about our new life.  Living small has already proven it’s great worth to me.  I will never go back.

There’s no good stopping place in a continuing story, so I guess I’ll cut off here for now.  I’m sorry if this has been a rambling blog.  I tend to try to  cover too much ground at one time when I wait too long between blogs.  I’ll try to get back a little sooner next time.

Be blessed!!

Here’s the most recent one:

http://www.hilltopfoursquare.com/media/2011/10/2/what-is-the-church-for.html

Here’s a link to a list of some of my past podcasts if you’re interested

http://www.hilltopfoursquare.com/media/tag/rhenda-pence

Enjoy.  Feel free to post on here and let me know what you think about them.

Be blessed.

Catchy title, right?  The place is new, and we are getting it all established, so I guess that makes it the new establishment.

Things are taking shape.   Almost everything is in it’s place.  There are a few things I brought thinking I would need them and it turns out they are just not necessary.  I over stocked some things especially in the kitchen.  I don’t have a dishwasher here.  I hand wash the dishes after meals.  As a result, I don’t have any accumulation of dirty dishes, so I don’t need to have as many on hand as I had at the old place.  I will probably pack some of them away for storage.

I am surprised how much room there actually is in my kitchen!  Counter top space is at a premium, but I have plenty of room for dishes, pans, even a really spacious pantry area.  I may figure out a way to combine some things and free up a shelf or two in there and call it my office.  I have way too many school/office supplies, and I don’t really know what to do with it all.  Between home school and my personal study and writing materials I have accumulated quite a bit.  We are learning to do more of our studying and writing on computer, but hard copy and paper work are still big requirements around here.  I stored probably half of what I had, and I still have a lot.  I stored the stuff that I didn’t think the heat would hurt: paper, folders, binders, etc…  I brought all the pens and pencils here so the heat wouldn’t destroy them. Staplers and hole punches and the like; I use them every day.  I need to keep them here, so I’ll have to figure something out.

I have too many books, as well.  I’m not sure what to do about that except to get rid of some more clothes or something.  I love having my books around and I don’t think I’m willing to part with the few I have already it whittled down to.

There are a few other items that I need to keep on hand that I still haven’t found a home for yet, but in the shuffling and reshuffling I’m sure they will settle into a spot soon.  It’s mostly paperwork, mail, receipts and statements and the like.  I may box ‘em up and stuff ‘em in the storage.  I also have a bunch of seeds.  I’m afraid to put them in storage.  It’s still so hot!  I don’t know if heat will damage them or not, but I don’t want to take the risk.

All in all, the radical downsizing is going pretty well.  It certainly causes one to prioritize.  I can plainly see what is needful and what is not now.  That’s not to say I don’t want to keep some of the less necessary items, but when we go to sort out the storage unit and narrow things down for the move, I should have no trouble thinning it out even further.

As far as the ‘sardine’ situation goes, I hate to dissappoint all of the folks that were so sure we’d be ready to strangle each other by now, but we’re handling the proximity problems very well and we’re adjusting quickly to the privacy problems.  We spent almost all of our time together before we moved anyway.  We homeschool, so we were always home together. We did most of our work at the kitchen table, and when we were playing on computers we were sitting within feet of one another. This is the same ol’ same ol’, as far as that goes, just a different place. The big difference is that now we can’t go any place inside the house for privacy.  It’s a little tough on my oldest boy, but he’s adjusting.  We’re making it work.

As for me…  I’m happy as a clam.  I love it all.  Well, except for the toilet.  I don’t like it a bit, but we’re looking for remedies.  I’ll post about it as we solve problems so that anyone else going through something like this will have our experience to draw from.  More on that as it plays out.  If anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them.

Meanwhile, we’re continuing to prepare for the move.  I’ll be posting periodically about the progress there.   It’s all so very exciting!!!   I’ll be so glad when we’re ready to go!!

See you soon.  Be blessed!

I should blog in depth.  I should give some details.  I should give an update.  I should chronicle the process… and I will: soon.  Not tonight.  I am so tired from the move, the change, the stress, the upset to the schedule that I can’t write anything too in-depth tonight.  I just wanted to post and let everyone know we are out of our old house and into the new one.

It was quite an undertaking.  The physical aspects were much worse than I expected.  I thought of myself as the same person who helped move it all into the house almost eighteen years ago.  Unfortunately, eighteen years and 40(ish) pounds later and it wasn’t the cake walk I was hoping for.  I’m not sure I can remember ever being so sore from just a little manual labor.

I’m ashamed at how out of shape I am!  Needless to say, all of this has caused me to see the need to do something about that as of NOW.  The diet is no big deal.  I’m a good dieter when I make up my mind.  It’s a matter of starting a routine of some kind of exercise.  I’ll probably start walking the dogs more, so that will help.  I am not sure what else I am going to do, but I will definitely be looking to do something, and fast!

Aside from the physical aspects of the move, the time constraint was stressful.  Once we were out, the pressure was off and I felt immediate relief.  Now all I want to do is sleep.  I swear, it’s like my body just shut down on me and is in rebellion against all that has been going on.  I think in a few days I’ll be back up to par, then I’ll blog about some of the particulars and share some of my marvelous wisdom and amazing insight after surviving this ordeal.  LOL

Meanwhile, I’m going to tie up a few loose ends,  sort through a few more boxes, and sleep, sleep, sleep!

Good night..

The final push is on. Sorting, pitching, throwing. Packing, packing, packing. Hauling, stacking, stowing.  Tomorrow I haul off the furniture from the kid’s rooms, make another storage run, drop a few things off at the trailer and a few big boxes to the local thrift store.  In the afternoon I have to cram in all the regular stuff; a quick trip to the grocery store, taxi my son around a little, fix some dinner and clean it up, the regular loads of laundry plus a few extra that were unearthed in the kid’s rooms during all the sorting and packing.  Tomorrow night, sorting in my room.  A large pile for the thrift store and a small pile to keep, at least that’s the plan.

My husband works until Friday and then he’s on vacation for a week.  That’s when we get everything that’s left, everything we own, seventeen and a half years of our life’s accumulation of things, out of our house, our home, for good.

For years I’ve dreamed of this.  Years came and went and even though I never gave up hope, it seemed like it was never going to happen.  Now suddenly, almost out of nowhere, it is time to go!  Maybe things didn’t happen the way we wanted them to, or in the time I would have liked, but the time has come at last and I’m so excited and happy and almost overwhelmed!  Now we’re pushing it into overdrive.

How could this sneak up on me like this, I wonder?  I, who have planned this in the back of my mind for so long, suddenly I find myself with a week and a half to be out!

Seventeen and a half years is a long time to live in a house. Even though it has been quite a task physically, going through our belongings wasn’t as hard emotionally as I thought it would be.  Even throwing things away wasn’t so bad.  A lot of things have some significant meaning, or some sentimental attachment, but things come and go and we can’t save them all.  I saved what I could not be parted from and got rid of the rest.  Sure, some things were harder to part with than others even after the decision to part with them had been made, but now that it’s done and they are gone, it’s no real big deal. We are fine.

BUT… now we are seeing our rooms emptying out.  Bare walls, empty closets and corners are sort of a sad sight.  The events of the years of our life had accumulated in all these odds and ends that were crammed into all these personal spaces.

It’s the spaces: the spaces where life and family used to be.  They are getting to me a little.

It’s more odd, or weird than sad, really.  Hmmm….

Our marriage grew up here.  We have had our worst and our best times here.  We’ve had our happiest moments and our saddest moments here.  We have discovered each other, come to know and maybe even understand each other a little.  We have hurt and healed and grown together here.  What a pair!  I’m so happy with us!

All the cliches I’ve heard others use about such things fit in right here: strands woven into the fabric of our lives, and strokes on the canvas of life and whatnot.  Struggles, triumphs, grief, joy, bounty and lack– the parade of pictures in my mind — we have really lived in this house.  All of this has welded us together and made us into one family.  I am so blessed.  Looking through all of this makes me think one should not wait seventeen years to open up the memory boxes and search the corners.  The now empty corners.  Empty sort of like the blank place at the bottom of a page just before you turn to a new chapter.  Yep… another cliche’.

What a great life we have!  Now our memories go with us into a exciting new future.  Now a new adventure begins!

More later.  Stay tuned…..

Yes, it’s cheating, and a poor sentence, and a reach, but I’m a bit too busy for this, and my husband said writing about the mundane day to day is boring to read.

Back to blogging as usual… occasionally, irregularly, and when something seems important enough to write about.

The yard had been neglected for all of the other odd jobs and more pressing matters until it was an embarrassment and an neighborhood eyesore, I’m sure.  A little time and a bucket of sweat and it’s trimmed, raked, cleaned and much more attractive.  Me……. not so much!  LOL  Leaves and sawdust in my hair, spider bites, cuts and scrapes, and sweat and dirt.  Ew!

I burnt up my hedge trimmers, broke my rake and cut through my extension cord.  I filled two full sized dumpsters with the trimmings, saved the big wood for grampa’s fire pit and still have another truck load left to haul off.  I poked my eye, and my head, peeled my thumb, smashed my ankle, got a couple of bites… and somehow I liked it.  LOL!  I like working hard outside, heat not withstanding.  I’d trade it for housework any time!

On the slate for tomorrow:  I’m going on a box run. I have to get cracking on the packing!

So let it be written, so let it be done!